A Parents Perspective

by Rae Lynn Jackson, 2nd gup

As my daughter Rachel (age 8) watched the news this past month, she was very disturbed by the video clip of the 11 yerar old girl being abducted in Florida. She came to me and said in a very distressed voice, "Mom, she didn't even run or fight or anything. She should never go with someone she doesn't know or she could get hurt." After saying a prayer for the girl and her family, I asked Rachel how she knew what to do in that type of situation. She said "Mom, we talk about it in karate." And they do. How do I know this? I am also a Tang Soo Do (TSD) student and have had the privilege of assisting in class when these type of scenarios have been frequently discussed. Many different scenarios are used to help students understand how they should react. It is reassuring to know that these life skills are being taught and our children are listening to them.

As a parent, I have been able to utilize other skills that are taught in class to overcome stressful times for my daughter. This past week, Rachel was required to have a tube inserted in her ear drum (myringotomy). She was very anxious, as she has had this procedure completed on a prior visit. She became more agitated and was beginning to breathe like in karate. She, of course, said she was breathing, but her breaths were shallow. I mentioned that she needed to breathe from her dan jun, like Master Schmitt had showed her. I had her follow my breathing and she began to relax. I was then able to engaage her in a discussion about TSD. She was very proud to share with the doctor that she was able to break an "adult board". The doctor said "Is that so? You must be pretty good." What a confidence booster for Raches! (Please note that I was still holding her hands and she wasn't able to demonstrate any techniques.) The doctor was able to finish the procedure fairly quickly. Rachel continued to focus her breathing and I was able to keep my hand mobility and give her the thumbs up signal. Although the discussion about TSD was a diversion and a distraction from the pain, it became very evident that it became a focal point for her. She was able to focus her breathing and get over the obstacle.

Having had instruction in TSD myself, I have been able to access my knowledge of the Five Code of Tang Soo Do, the American Tang Soo Do Code of Conduct, and the Seven Tenets of Tang Soo Do to help with every day incidents and underscore the basic principals of morality. For example, Rachel had used a disrespectufl voice and attitude towards me while we were in public. After pointing this out, she complied and we left the store. When we were in private, I had Rachel repeat the seven tenets. As she recited the fourth tenet, she stopped and looked at me very gultily and the light bulb clicked on. She knew that she had been disrespectful [and where I was going with the conversation] and apologized for her behavior. I have also used the five codes and had Rachel explain what the second code means. After having correctly explained that obedience to parents means folowing directions and doing what your parents ask, it was very difficult for Rachel not to follow through with the request.

Of course, that means that I too have to follow all the codes and rules of conduct. I had been ill and wanted to stay home one more day. I had enough sick days and I could have stayed home, but I had a performance in the evening. I didn't think it would be a very good example for my children to stay home from school and then go to the perfomance that evening. What kind of message would that be sending them? It's ok for adults to stay home, but not children? In addition, I had many people counting on me to hold up my end of the performance. No one else would be able to fill in at the last moment, I couldn't just stay home and let someone else do it, My fellow performers knew I would be there, because I said I would be, even though I wasn't feeling well. Integrity and honor are the codes I find necessary in my own life. The best way to teach the rules of conduct and the codes is to live by them. If I don't follow the codes, how can I expect my children to follow it? I ask my children when they take a test at school or when Rachel performs her hyung for competition, if they tried their best. That is what I ask of them, so how can I ask anything less from myself? TSD is not just a way of life, it is the way life should be.